mrs. tigglywinks

pretty like a set of used snow tires

Rally Qualifications : One time I changed the belt on my lawn mower, I have experience with pay at the pump gas stations, I strategically had a beer fall from my trunk and cover a Canadian border patrol officer in Molson, I can do "Around the World" with a yo-yo.

Near Death Experience?
Back in college, I was in the navigator position while Rawlings posted phenomenal time from Watertown to Potsdam. On the final corner of the Clarkson campus leg, the car caught a bit of debris and spun wildly out of control, tumbled across a culvert and narrowly missed a tree. Later that night I drank a lot of Tequila and almost died. I went home the next day.

Favorite Song for driving through Tsagaannuur?
Probably "Even though I'm Broke (I got a six pack of beer)" by Hank Williams III because if Hank III was in Tsagaannuur he would be kicking ass and taking names, as is my intention.

Wiffle Ball Career Highlight?
Back in the 01 season whilst playing an away game in Orwell township, with a pitch count in the high twenties, holding on to a slim 2 run margin, with a 54-2 count, facing a legend in his own mine wiffle baller, I took a sip of my Miller High Life, checked the ghost runner, dug in, and threw a monumental knuckleball that is still spoke of with high regard in certain circles. The game was won.

Which profession; Toronto hot dog vendor, Garden State Parkway Tollbooth attendant, Toledo strip club announcer, or Zamboni driver?
Garden State Parkway Tollbooth attendant – it would be fun to answer with the following, "Get EZ Pass you cheap sumabitch" or "Did mommy not give you exact change" or "I am not so good wit numbahs do you happen to have a calculator?"

Words of wisdom?
The Big Lebowski: Is it being prepared to do the right thing, whatever the cost? Isn't that what makes a man?
The Dude: Sure, that and a pair of testicles.

Rally Qualifications : I've driven cross country with my mother, brother, and a stuffed animal that took up three quarters of the back seat in 100 F heat without AC

Near Death Experience?
Ever rode with my husband?

Name: Patrick McLaughlin

Rally Qualifications : I grew up hoping to be like Indiana Jones someday, and that hasn't quite left me yet. I'm also still young and naive enough to think this is a good idea. Lastly, I drove a Ford Escort (nicknamed the Deathmobile) for 5 years, even during the winter, and never got in a wreck. Anyone who owns an Escort knows the rally will be easy next to that accomplishment.

Near Death Experience?
Yeah, there's actually been many, I'll give you three:
1) Basically, I managed to find my way into the middle of a school of Box Jellyfish, a decent way out from shore, with no wet-suit on (as my cousins from Boston would say, "Theyr WICKED poisonus!!"). I was able to snake my way back through them, only to run into a nurse shark. The shark swam away, but thinking back on the potential outcomes, it wasn't a great situation to have been in.
2) So this one time, I was freeclimbing Mt Vesuvius, when I suddenly lost my grip, so I'm falling and falling... and then I start to think. Hey, havent you been smoking peote for the last six days, and isnt it a possibility that this is all in your head? And it turned out I was right. I\'ve never even been to Mt Vesuvius.
3) The third involved a truck, some ice, and being airborne... but on second thought my mom never found out about that one, so just in case she reads this I'll end the story there.

Favorite Song for driving through Tsagaannuur?
I would guess just about anything from the Talking Heads would be weird enough yet fitting, "Road to Nowhere" sounds appropriate ...or maybe a rap song because I'm pretty gangsta. How about that song with the chick rapping about everyone coming to her yard for her milkshake, I love milkshakes, strawberry... I'd do just about anything for a good strawberry milkshake, hell, I'd even drive to Mongolia for a good milkshake... do they have strawberries in Mongolia?

Wiffle Ball Career Highlight?
I'd like to preface this story with the following fact: I was only 13 years old. So... after ripping a shot down the third base line, I proceeded to round the bases as my idiot opponent/next-door-neighbor fumbled with the ball in some tall grass. I managed an inside the "park" homer, but was immediately told by my lying/jerk/cheating opponent that it was a foul ball (which it was not). He threw the ball at me, I threw a rock at him, one thing led to another which led to some blood and needless to say we never played wiffle ball again... the highlight is that I won the fight (He was 15 years old).

Which profession; Toronto hot dog vendor, Garden State Parkway Tollbooth attendant, Toledo strip club announcer, or Zamboni driver?
C'mon, who wouldn't want to drive a zamboni?

Words of wisdom
Don't lean back in plastic deck chairs.
The only way to know something, really understand it inside and out, is to experience it directly. There's not much you can truly learn from someone simply telling you about it... basically, first-hand knowledge is far more enlightening and influential than any other. (This is how I rationalized the trip)

Near Death Experience?
i think so. twice. once i was nearly beaten silly by a couple of large men in a food-4-less grocery store (henceforth referred to as fight-4-food) several years ago. i'd had a couple beers and they were very upset with me over a couple of sugar packets. the other occassion is less clear in memory, involving a ford taurus on a dark rainy highway somewhere around the florida-georgia line. i remember a thunderous rumbling, opening my eyes and seeing some construction barrels to the left of the car. i wasn't driving. at a gas station miles later the only explanation i got was "you don't want to know what happened back there."

Favorite Song for driving through Tsagaannuur?
tsagaanuur...will we make it that far? and still have a tape deck? let alone a car? chances are we'll be riding along the highway to hell through the desert on horses with no names. hitching a ride from a commie driving a nova this rocker from the free world may be tempted to bust a move; realizing that anyone anywhere can make love out of nothing at all.

Wiffle Ball Career Highlight?
one late summer night, on a field carved from vermont farmland, ringed by cars throwing less than adequate light i put the good wood on a low and away something-or-other. over the left field fence she soared scoring two. a satisfying swig of the stovepipe porter in my belly i shouldered the bat once again. from the mound butch tipped his hat. at least that's the way i remember it.

Which profession; Toronto hot dog vendor, Garden State Parkway Tollbooth attendant, Toledo strip club announcer, or Zamboni driver?
i'd really like to be a professional zamboni driver, but i'd probably be too tempted to take it home with me. so i'll go for the hot dog vendor. i think i could make a small fortune on fully-loaded bacon wrapped hot dogs up there in canadia. and if they haven't yet learned of cheddarwurst i could build an empire.

Words of wisdom?
i'm embarking on an 8000+ mile drive in a severely underpowered automobile counting on nothing but the combined wits of me and my beer-loving compadres to mechanically, politically, financially, emotionally cross parts of the globe most americans should probably avoid. yet you ask for wisdom...
"when someone asks if you're a god...you say 'yes!'"
-winston zedmore, ghostbuster

Near Death Experience?
Same year, same place, started driving down a grassy slope, when the right wheels started drifting down an unseen drop. Had to e-brake, pull some nifty clutching, but I got the weight around and didn't die. (may be a dramatization)

Favorite Song for driving through Tsagaannuur?
Time to Move On, Tom Petty

Wiffle Ball Career Highlight?
I swung so hard at a soft pitch that I loosed the wiffle bat farther than the wiffle ball traveled as a result of my swing. Fortunately, the flying bat distracted all fielders momentarily and I was able to make the sprint to first. When complaints arose about the unsafe conditions put forth by my flying bat, I smirked, knowing full well that real men are not afraid of high-velocity plastic tubing.

Which profession; Toronto hot dog vendor, Garden State Parkway Tollbooth attendant, Toledo strip club announcer, or Zamboni driver?
Zamboni driver. This would allow me to pursue my part-time ambition to become an Olympic speedskater.

Words of wisdom?
It is better to be honestly arrogant than hypocritically modest.